Advocacy of Table Time (Part III)

Family on Friday!!!

Last week, I shared my personal experiences of having an overly busy life and still holding a space for table time.  Before that, I wrote about how people get so lost and caught up in the busy life (with good intentions) that they can't quite seem to fit in time to eat, let alone be a family.  But, I decided to write this whole "Advocacy" saga to adequately respond to Gussie's comments on the original post about table time without gadgetry.  (Go, go, gadget salt-shaker.)

We no longer have the busy life we used to.  Wifey works Tuesday through Saturday, I work Saturday through Monday and every night, we have a nearly four month old baby girl, I'm writing a novel (and this blog), and you can get a better idea of our present laid-back lifestyle from my first post.

Three to four times a week, we pack up the bug and all go have dinner at grandma's.  Grandma also works.  We take turns cooking, all cook something together (the bug just supervises), or none of us cook and we splurge on any of the fine take-out available in the area.  We average about two hours at the table every time we meet.  That includes games with cookie prizes.

When we can't be at grandma's, wifey and I will have a quiet meal at home with the bug strapped down to a chair at the end of the table.  (start 'em early)  I know at some point having the bug strapped to a chair during meals will be considered abuse, but for now it's responsible.

We relish this time together.  The therapeutic benefits of deepening our tribal connections fuel us with the emotional and mental buffers we need to prevent being overtaken by the tide the rest of the world creates circling the drain.  Even if they're not related by blood or marriage, the people you hold on to and trust to hold you up at the worst of times are your family.  And this is a great time to sit at the same table.

Of course there are many right and many wrong ways to share table time.  But, let's save that for next week...

Advocacy of Table Time (Part II)

Family on Friday!!!

Last week I kicked off my Advocacy of Table Time series with my version of Gussie's response to the week before's Table Time in the Modern Age post.  (Lost yet?)  And yes, it is very easy to get knee deep in life.  Keep in mind that all of those things beckoning you hither and yon are someone else's show.  Present blog included.

They care a lot for their show.  They need an audience.  And they will run their show at their convenience, not yours.  That's one way this blog (and other such 'shows') are more considerate.  We just put it out there and let you come by and check it out at your leisure.  You're welcome.

I got wrapped up in other people's shows during my high school years.  Art club.  Junior Classical League.  French Club.  School Literary Magazine.  Junior Civitan.  Cross Country.  Track.  Basketball at the Y.  Baseball in the local Pony League.  Bowling League.  Fencing.  Hanging out down the street with my best friend.  Dating.  A job.  Twelve hours of homework every night (yeah, right).

And still, several times a week, I took the time to eat dinner with my family.  Often we'd break out a game afterward (like Mille Bornes, Clue, Rummy, Poker, Scrabble, Risk...  tiles, cards, and/or dice abound).  It was a great way for all of us to forget (not rant) about how hard the day was.  When I couldn't be home for dinner, I really felt like I was missing out on the party.

The trend continued at college, where I really became an overachiever.  I started acting in plays.  Had a dual major.  Took officer roles in several student clubs.  Co-edited the yearbook.  Served as a R.A.  Started the Movie Night event in the student union.  And generally got involved, earning a spot on the "Who's Who."

Tables were everything.  A group of us would meet in the cafeteria everyday (some just to get a drink or ice cream) and sit to talk and make each other laugh.  And then again, at the end of the day, a smaller group of us would meet around a table in the lobby of a dorm to become more of a family.  And then, even after that, a smaller group of us would go off to the student union to play table games (RPGs, cards, etc.).  Those friends that I spent table time with back then are still in my life many years and thousands of miles later.

After college, I kept finding tables to join and still make the time today.  But, we'll talk about that next week...

Advocacy of Table Time (Part I)

Family on Friday!!!

Commenting on last week's post, Gussie pointed out that not only our handy-dandy electronic devices divide us, but that the drawing power of the outside world beckons us to leave our homes in such a rush that tables become a depository of sorts.  (I admittedly paraphrased and took liberties, but you can read her comments at the bottom of the post if you're that curious.)

Let me start off Part I of my continued advocacy of table time as a cornerstone of family solidarity by saying it doesn't have to, and probably can't in some cases, be an every night thing (or mornings...  I could go for mornings).  Making it a chore doesn't help.  Kinda makes it counterproductive.

But, if you cannot meet as a family around the table for at least a full meal, dessert, and one game on a weekly basis, then there is a serious problem.  The subtext to leading such a busy life is "my family is not as important as these other things."  Probably isn't how you feel, but actions are paramount in interpersonal relationships.  They define our character (as I've learned in numerous writing classes).

So, yeah.  At least once a week.  There are days when kiddos will want to sleep over at a friend's house.  And days when parentals will want the kiddos to sleep over at a friend's house.  Some days, you'll scarcely see your bed, let alone a table.  (Interesting how some people get a nice home, fill it with nice stuff, and then barely even sleep there.)

The busy lifestyle is quite simple really.

• Live an hour from work
• Work a little extra because 110% is the new minimum
• Have the kids cram eight completely different classes in their day, each of which is supposed to assign two hours of homework for every hour in class
• Let the kids join a few clubs (gotta nurture their interests), a sport, and take lessons for fill-in-the-blank
• Join some clubs yourself
• Volunteer
• Be an active part of your community
• Now pick and choose on a daily basis who's being run where to meet the right-after-work/school activities that will run up to the start of the next one (grab dinner on the way)
• Spend time socializing with the people at the end of the second activity who, for some reason, never have anything to do
• Get home sometime before midnight
• Feed the pets and let them out in the yard
• Help kids with homework or trust they are while you flip through the DVR
• Rinse, sleep, repeat

We do it to ourselves.  As a writer, I am fascinated by everything.  Yes.  Everything.  You name it.  I'm most likely fascinated by it (I know a few people are only thinking of challenging me now and getting off topic).  So, I wanted to (and almost did) participate where ever they would have me.  Even so, throughout my whole life I have relished my table time and worked it into the schedule.  But, that's the topic for Part II...