And In This Corner... Part II

Family on Friday!!!

Continuing from last week's edition of Family on Friday, I'm going to explore the concept of feeling anger without being angry.  That degree of control comes in handy when you need to be part of the solution to a confrontation.

Let's pretend that this whole country is a family and the President is the parent (Supreme Court is the grandparents, and Congress is like the creeeepy uncle/aunt that no one lets you ride alone with).  When was the last time that no one was angry with the position of the President?  Like, really, really angry.  Spitting mad.

When was the last time you saw any President "go off?"  The temptation for them to get all Christian Bale on the media alone must be overwhelming.  So why don't they?  Training, coaching, and possibly performance enhancing drugs.

Now let's pretend they are angry because they love this country and they're trying to get us to agree with what they think is best for us.  We get angry because what they have done/asked/refused goes against what we want and upsets us.  Confrontation ensues.

As a (Co-)President of your family, you will meet with dissension, organized protests, and vetoes when you are just trying to keep your family on what you've decided is the right path.  Get Presidential.  Walk calmly to the disenfranchised, acknowledge their pain, apologize for any part you may have played in it, tell them that your position isn't going to change just because it met with opposition, because it was formed by the love you have for them, and that love isn't going to change.

Obviously, the President isn't always right.  Next week, we'll explore how handling confrontation calmly can change policy without waffling, back-peddling, flip-flopping, or calling the Supreme Court.

And In This Corner... Part I

Family on Friday!!!

Back in early December, Brian had made a good comment regarding confrontation within the family unit.  To paraphrase for those too lazy or busy to click on the hyperlink, he noticed that confrontations with his son improved when he didn't fan the flames with his own anger.

One blog post would not adequately cover the issue of familial conflicts.  So, I will attempt to make a sensible series of the matter starting here.  For now, I want to just make it perfectly clear that anger, frustration, and even loss of control come from love (continuing on this whole Valentine week and segueing into Presidents' Day).

Confused by the source of their own emotions and excusably out of practice, kids will yell that they hate their parents when they become angry, frustrated, and lose control.  Ya always hurt the ones ya love, right?  Our parental brains need to be able to translate this proclamation of hatred as "I love you, but what you have done/asked/refused goes against what I want and upsets me."

Allowing for a few exceptions, if we didn't care deeply for someone, we wouldn't exhibit any strong reactions to them.  They would be practically invisible to us.  When we become upset with our family we should take at least one breath to recognize that we feel this way because we love them.

Recognizing the love we have should begin to help us with the most important next step that Brian touched upon - being angry and frustrated, but not losing control.  However, that will be the topic of next week's President's Day analogy...

Defining Love

Writers' Wednesday!!!

Valentine's Day seems like it was just yesterday and yet, love is still in the air (and on clearance).  Sure.  We have one day of the year dedicated to loving, or (depending on your age) liking.  But thankfully, love lasts longer than a pink Twinkie that rolled under your car seat.

As writer's, we must find a way to inject love into every story to remain relevant, marketable, credible, and universal.  If your main character is incapable of love, it has to be shown by contrast to a love interest with the potential to warm him/her up by the end of the story, even if the Grinch ends up staying Grinch-y.

Everyone can relate to love.  And if another character loves your central character, it makes it easier for your readers/audience to love the character.  Love is also a great motivator for rational characters to do irrational things or take on insurmountable challenges.

That's all well and good, but how does one write love?  It isn't an easy thing to define, and once you have, you've opened your story up for debate.  It's in the action.

Any woman can tell you that actions speak louder than words.  The most silvery of tongues will tarnish in idle hands.  Conversely, a cold tongue can melt butter with a demonstration of the heart.

Don't try to shortcut the process of love in your story.  Even if it's a survival-horror and that whole extreme-situations-can-create-extreme-emotions thing applies.  A compelling subplot of love can help your story stand out in any genre.