Family on Friday!!!
When you're in a store witnessing a parent attempt to correct their kids' behavior, you only need to pay attention to one thing to tell if the parent gives idle threats, or disciplines effectively - the kids' reactions. (This time of year brings out the big guns, doesn't it?)
"Stop screaming/running around/getting in people's way/punching/biting/spitting/grabbing/whining/crying... or Santa won't bring you any toys."
How much time does that give? A few reminders per store? Good on you if you can get a weekend out of saying it once.
What about the rest of the year? I've heard threats of grounding, leaving immediately without getting anything, time out, and some degree of bodily harm. It seems like neither the parent nor child even pay attention to these idle threats. Some sick rote they developed out of desperation turned apathy. Every now and again I'll hear a parent speak directly to the child and the child will cast down their pitchfork and shine their halo. I love it when I hear "One... two..." and then nothing.
How is it that a few parents have managed to retain control over their kids? It doesn't have to involve a swing, but it is all about follow through. If you're going to bother making a threat to get your kids to behave, make sure it's something you're not only prepared to do, but can make an instant part of their reality. And follow through.
They may cry, plead, correct their behavior, or do whatever it was that they didn't want to as a too-little-too-late effort to avoid the punishment. No dice. If they learn that they need to behave before the sentencing and gavel smack, they stand a better chance of knowing to straighten up after the warning next time. And clean the slate after the sentence is served. (Parole is for criminals.)
Personally, I advocate rewarding good behavior more often to avoid bad behavior becoming the only way the child can get the parents' attention, but that will be a different post. At least idle threats are a step up from the parents who pretend like they have nothing to do with the kids until it's time to leave the store.
Showing posts with label incentive and reward. Show all posts
Showing posts with label incentive and reward. Show all posts
16 December, 2011
30 September, 2011
Table Time in the Modern Age
Family on Friday!
Or should I say, "Table Time in Spite of the Modern Age?"
The point is, too many people feel that just being in the same room is enough. And there are those who rarely do that anymore. I'm not saying to kill your t.v. or check your phone at the door. I am saying that it would be better to have some place and time when the outside world is left outside. Signing up your family members for a MMORPG account and doing quests together is social, yes, but in a sad, sad way.
Tables are great for social interaction. If you can't seem to connect with your family on a meaningful level over a meal just yet, then try any of a wide variety of table games that are out there. Not all families can converse without heated arguments sending something into the trashcan (I've eaten with you. I know). Try turning those arguments into competitiveness. Nothing can justify animosity better than a game.
Families that have fun together... well... have fun together.
My daughter isn't old enough to play anything more advanced than look-at-the-toy, hold-up-your-head, or how-long-can-you-hold-the-rattle. As a former youngun, I can remember living in my parents' very social home. I've been to houses with teens, tweens, and energy vampires, and it doesn't take long to tell which families set aside time to be a family from those who pass each other in the halls.
I wouldn't suggest quitting the screens cold turkey. Start off just by trying to demonstrate some simple courtesy (hundreds of thousands of moviegoers will thank you). And lead by example. Nothing will build up resentment and rebellion more a than do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do attitude. Think about your attitude toward our government and you'll understand what I'm talking about.
Courtesy can and will prompt a change from looking in the area between the plate and stomach to heads up, eyes forward, and realizing that there are people in the room with whom to speak. The best way to get there relies on incentive and reward, not restriction and punishment. You've got to be ten times more interesting than whatever they're doing to avoid you, not the subject of their next flame.
What's worked for you?
Or should I say, "Table Time in Spite of the Modern Age?"
The point is, too many people feel that just being in the same room is enough. And there are those who rarely do that anymore. I'm not saying to kill your t.v. or check your phone at the door. I am saying that it would be better to have some place and time when the outside world is left outside. Signing up your family members for a MMORPG account and doing quests together is social, yes, but in a sad, sad way.
Tables are great for social interaction. If you can't seem to connect with your family on a meaningful level over a meal just yet, then try any of a wide variety of table games that are out there. Not all families can converse without heated arguments sending something into the trashcan (I've eaten with you. I know). Try turning those arguments into competitiveness. Nothing can justify animosity better than a game.
Families that have fun together... well... have fun together.
My daughter isn't old enough to play anything more advanced than look-at-the-toy, hold-up-your-head, or how-long-can-you-hold-the-rattle. As a former youngun, I can remember living in my parents' very social home. I've been to houses with teens, tweens, and energy vampires, and it doesn't take long to tell which families set aside time to be a family from those who pass each other in the halls.
I wouldn't suggest quitting the screens cold turkey. Start off just by trying to demonstrate some simple courtesy (hundreds of thousands of moviegoers will thank you). And lead by example. Nothing will build up resentment and rebellion more a than do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do attitude. Think about your attitude toward our government and you'll understand what I'm talking about.
Courtesy can and will prompt a change from looking in the area between the plate and stomach to heads up, eyes forward, and realizing that there are people in the room with whom to speak. The best way to get there relies on incentive and reward, not restriction and punishment. You've got to be ten times more interesting than whatever they're doing to avoid you, not the subject of their next flame.
What's worked for you?
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