Family on Friday!!!
Sometimes being a parent means being a good actor(ess). Not breaking character by falling over laughing when the little one trips and face plants into the dozen eggs they were carrying (unless you're making a video for a nationally broadcast television show, which, for some bizarre reason, makes it socially acceptable). Not dancing around like a maniac in front of their friends when you learn they have been excelling in high school (betraying their apathetic domestic zombification).
And not raging in their face like carnage incarnate because you just can't sit through one more presentation of why a bunny, kitty, puppy, piggy, pony, piercing, tattoo, and/or motorcycle would be an essential part of their optimal development.
The litmus test of whether you are being angry or acting angry is your level of control. For the record, hitting, throwing, screaming, slamming, and/or squeezing would count as being angry - loss of control. The best actors(esses) out there can use subtle facial expressions, a stern tone of voice, deliberate wording, and fierce eye contact to let everyone know that the tiger is gnawing at the lock - but is controlled.
You may want to go berserk. And very likely on someone else's kid. Or some kid's parent. Don't. When you lose control of your anger, you lose control of the whole situation. Remember, the anger you're feeling and the decisions you have made (even if they're wrong) all come from love.
Perhaps that old china cabinet was sitting around, waiting for an excuse to be thrown out. That doesn't mean you should shrug it off when it breaks. No hockey in the house means no hockey in the house. Act angry. Next time, it might be that custom-made hutch you haven't even half-paid for.
Hold back your real anger and just act out enough anger to get the message across. Your kids learn by valuable example of how you conduct yourself with your extreme emotions. Speaking of learning, next week I'll try to wrap the series up with why it's important to have arguments and confrontations with your kids.
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label control. Show all posts
09 March, 2012
04 November, 2011
It's Your Fault
Family on Friday!!!
Response ability. If you break it up into the root words, you can see that responsibility has nothing to do with obligation or charges. To have a responsibility is to have an ability to respond to a situation or person.
So, do you? How? Taking ownership of your responsibility means understanding that you and you alone control your actions (or lack thereof). You cannot control other people. Sure, we all want to control someone else at some point in our lives. Because, let's face it, people do things we don't like. Things we would like to have stopped them from doing, or made them do, whatever the case may be.
When it's a member of your family, it can feel like they are an extension of yourself and you may even ordinarily function like a unit. But, sooner or later, even your family will remind you that they are their own individuals and have their own responsibility.
Don't blame them. Yes. You are able to respond that way. But, in any given situation, you are able to choose how you respond. If you don't like the outcome. If you get angry. If you get sad. If you get sick. If you are injured. Blame yourself.
Take ownership of your responsibility. It's up to them if they will do the same. One life is hard enough to live. Living two, three, four, twenty other lives isn't going above and beyond the call of duty - it's impossible.
For some reason, focusing on what other people are or aren't doing has become commonplace. In traffic, in checkout lines, in bathrooms, in other people's houses, or, on a much grander scale, Politics and Economics. The solution to most problems isn't what "they" did or are doing. The solution comes from what did you do? What are you doing?
I could make a list of "problems" and answer them with a list of "solutions." But, that's not how I plan on using my responsibility.
Response ability. If you break it up into the root words, you can see that responsibility has nothing to do with obligation or charges. To have a responsibility is to have an ability to respond to a situation or person.
So, do you? How? Taking ownership of your responsibility means understanding that you and you alone control your actions (or lack thereof). You cannot control other people. Sure, we all want to control someone else at some point in our lives. Because, let's face it, people do things we don't like. Things we would like to have stopped them from doing, or made them do, whatever the case may be.
When it's a member of your family, it can feel like they are an extension of yourself and you may even ordinarily function like a unit. But, sooner or later, even your family will remind you that they are their own individuals and have their own responsibility.
Don't blame them. Yes. You are able to respond that way. But, in any given situation, you are able to choose how you respond. If you don't like the outcome. If you get angry. If you get sad. If you get sick. If you are injured. Blame yourself.
Take ownership of your responsibility. It's up to them if they will do the same. One life is hard enough to live. Living two, three, four, twenty other lives isn't going above and beyond the call of duty - it's impossible.
For some reason, focusing on what other people are or aren't doing has become commonplace. In traffic, in checkout lines, in bathrooms, in other people's houses, or, on a much grander scale, Politics and Economics. The solution to most problems isn't what "they" did or are doing. The solution comes from what did you do? What are you doing?
I could make a list of "problems" and answer them with a list of "solutions." But, that's not how I plan on using my responsibility.
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